I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize