I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
