I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
