I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Swine flu is the new snow day.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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