oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
