my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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