U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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