So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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