Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
