Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
