dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
