After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
