My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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