u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Randomize
