ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
