it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
