So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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