16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
