Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
