Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
