Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
