dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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