I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
