can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
