Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
