All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
