Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
