Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
