I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
