Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize