a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
