Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
