My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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