the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
