Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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