this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
