My liver just broke up with me...
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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