she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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