The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
