I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
