Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
