My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
