why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
