I'm gonna have a badass scar
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
