I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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