Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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