my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
