make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
