Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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