Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
