yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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