i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
