the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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