Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
