No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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