Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
All I want is dick and wine.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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