dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
someone owes me an orgasm
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
