life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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