How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
