I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
