No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
