I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize