I will die if light touches me.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
