I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
