I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
