my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize