My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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