He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
