Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She told me I should be a condom model.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize