you have to choose: penises or morals?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
