I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
is wine microwaveable?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
