you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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